I murdered the dance floor call the cops
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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