I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
