My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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