Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
