allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
