is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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