Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize