I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
