ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
