dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
