you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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