You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
