I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
