We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
