Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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