I met the friendliest cop last night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize