Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
