Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
