Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
