i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
