he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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