maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
