Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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