I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
