I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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