Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
