All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
