Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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