It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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