My sheets look like a crime scene.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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