Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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