Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
