well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
