he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
