just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
