i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
