i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
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I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
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I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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