I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
