the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
how drunk are you?
Several
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
