There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
