i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
