i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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