You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
