This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
