Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
