Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
