Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
