Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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