you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
