you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
