Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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