end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
