I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
