Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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