Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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