I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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