Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
