I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Randomize
