we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
