What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
