I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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